i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize