I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
