just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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