I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
