and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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