I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Randomize
