need another drink. this is the easiest way
hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
