Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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