Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I see more hoeing in ur future
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