my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
You're a waste of cheezeits
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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