drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
