Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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