Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
