Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
