u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
