what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
