I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Randomize
