I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
