PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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