Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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