i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
