Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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