You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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