I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
