If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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