is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
