I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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