im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
