Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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