I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
