38 yer olds are good kisserssss
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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