R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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