So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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