I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
