i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
bring money and cleavage
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
