I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
