Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
