bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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