Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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