Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
