I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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