So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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