You're my little dorito
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
