Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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