he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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