Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
