I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Randomize
