I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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