Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
