do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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