I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
