I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
