Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
