I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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