i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Randomize
