About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
