Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
