were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
