I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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