hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Is it penis luge time yet?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
