hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
it's like iHOP with fire
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Randomize
