i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
These tits shall not be calmed
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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