The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Randomize
