Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
