Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
