1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
