I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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