I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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