Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
