Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
You have to summon your inner elephant
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
