I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
