Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
