Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
