Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
