1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
