I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
