Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
