Midget sex pt 2 tonight
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
