sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
When did angry sex become our thing?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
