omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
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