Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize