she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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