I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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