Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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