I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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