Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
