Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
