i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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