Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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