Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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