I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
