While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
