i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
