You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
