I could make wine with my vomit
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
