Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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