wanna go halves on a baby?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
ok first of all what the fuck
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
