I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
